Letting people go is no easy feat. The closer you are to the person, the more difficult it becomes to move on. Whether it’s the end of a relationship, or dealing with a loved one moving away, it can leave us with immense feelings of loss. But letting people go can leave us feeling emancipated. The more we dote on lost causes, the more unhappy we become in life. Letting go and moving on is the only way we can escape the negativity and make our lives better.
One of the challenges in being able to “get over” someone is that often even after the end of the relationship, we may still encounter the person over and over again. And surrounding ourselves with reminders of the person often reignites our feelings and draws us back to the relationship. Possibly the most difficult part of overcoming the end of a relationship is withdrawing from the strong emotional dependence we have on the other person. Whether the relationship is romantic or non-romantic, we often rely on the other person on an emotional (and possibly physical level). And when things end, we lose our source of emotional strength. If I medicalised this, I would be calling this period the ‘withdrawal’ period – likened to the tortuous symptoms of weaning from an addictive drug. Medical weaning however takes place in stages, decreasing the dosage in increments until complete weaning occurs. However, the end of a relationship is often sudden. And to let go of the other person becomes extremely challenging.
It is possible however, just like everything else. In the earlier stages, to prevent “relapse”, it is often better to, as much as possible, isolate yourself from all things that may bring back memories and reignite feelings. This may involve removing or hiding away triggering objects and possessions, unfriending them on social media and avoiding messaging them altogether. It may seem a harsh step to take, but doing so usually helps during the difficult initial phase, and coming to accept the situation.
Distractions and spending time with other friends and family can be extremely rewarding. Engaging in new activities can help at this stage too. However it is important to make sure that you keep a good balance between social/leisure activities and being able to get on with work and necessary chores, as difficult as it may be.
With ample time, it becomes a lot easier and tolerable to think about the other person without triggering strong emotions. This may take a lot of time, possibly years, but you will get there through perseverance.
The saying that ‘people come and go’ could not be closer to the truth. Nothing is ever permanent. Although we may not realise it, we often end up in very toxic relationships which do us more harm than good. We don’t see it because our emotions for this person clouds our objective judgement. But if being around this person makes you ‘feel like crap’, it’s a pretty good sign that the person is toxic and you are better off letting them go. Of course it may not be as clear cut, but it’s worth thinking about and re-analysing your relationships.
I recently decided to let go of a close friend who I’ve known for 3 years. It was a difficult decision, but I realised that the relationship was very one-sided and I often ended up feeling more negative about myself following a conversation with this friend than I did before. The dynamic of the friendship had definitely changed over the course of the 3 years and after much deliberation, I decided that the disagreements between us were too great to recover from. And you know what? I feel so much better. I feel more confident and I feel free. Sometimes it’s just better to trust your instincts because no one knows you better than yourself.
So do it. Let them go.